When I imagined life at 24, I didn’t picture myself single.
And yet, despite all of my wishful thinking and expectations, I stood in front of my birthday candles surrounded by friends and family– only months out of a long-term relationship.
I didn’t like it. I was used to having my person for support, reassurance, comfort, adventure, fun… It felt like I was leaving the house with no accessories or shoes to complete my ensemble. I knew it was uncomfortable, but I also knew there had to be a different way to get fully dressed.
With the help of many friends (and some boxes of wine), I decided to go from being the victim– the sad single gal, busy swiping left and right– to choosing to be solo. The second I chose to be single, I went from feeling pitied to empowered. I was choosing to foster a relationship with myself, giving me the say in my circumstances.
I chose to be single, embracing it as a season. A great role model of mine gave me the metaphor of looking at the future as a cycle of seasons, each vital for a full circle.
Every season required time, nurture, and appreciation as it served a unique purpose. Rushing the season would keep the crops from growing correctly, the earth from getting its fuel, and would hinder the beautiful products of seasons to come.
So instead of asking Joe Shmo from Bumble to validate that I was pretty, smart, funny and cool, I wanted to invest in getting to know the girl that he would get the privilege of spending time with.
It seemed like a silly idea to entertain, but if I got to hang out with me for a day, what would we do? I finally thought, huh, “that would be a really freakin’ great day!” We might see a comedy show, go on a hike, people watch, make some bomb cupcakes, watch a Ted Talk, and the list went on and on.
Dedicating this season to being single has been a growing experience, and like any growing, requires discomfort, adjustment and resilience. But as I begin to think more of myself, my abilities and my personality, I am appreciative of the purpose this season serves and am confident that it will aid in making the next season even more meaningful.
So if Joe Shmo from Bumble decides he is going to ghost me and look elsewhere, who cares? Someone is here to support me, and she isn’t going anywhere.